Who's to care?

For one day last week, I was left alone. Although its uncomfortable to be alone, I somehow felt free, though sad. For one, I had began to lose sight of what I set out for. So much so, I begin to wonder, just where am I headed to from here on.

I don't know.

Again, I question my existence over and over again. Again, I have no answers. Again, I am all alone after all.

The feeling of coldness, envelopes over me once more.

I don't know how long I can continue to keep my sanity.

Because along the way, I am hurt over and over. Yet, no one will hear my pain. Because no one cares to, even though they keep saying they would. No one will ever want to know, because they simply think I'm foolish or just nit-picking.

I, have left my past behind me after a struggle and continue to walk forth. However, this path I walk, no longer has anyone walking together with me.

Where were you when I needed you most? Where were you when I wanted to be close to you? Where were you when I wanted comfort from you?

I never wanted to be alive in the first place, never wanted to be a human, because humans are just mere foolish creatures. They will never understand many things, because they think they all just simply almighty. I hate this, hate it to the core, hate it so ever much that I simply just want to stab myself and die. Not because I think I'm almighty, but because I am running away with lies over and over again.

I cannot face myself, because I do not understand.
I cannot face myself. because I do not WANT to understand.

I'm running away, because I don't wish to be hurt. But as I run, I am still being hurt again. Emotionally.

Why can't you just hurt me physically and be done with it?
Why can't you just simply cut or stab me rather than just continue on with your words?

I can only smile, because you won't regconize my pain. You can't even align yourself to understand me. Because you are always in bliss, the favoured child of God.

While I, am merely the forsaken child. The cursed and the devil.

I wish you best of luck forever more.
I wish you best of luck in your future.
I wish you best of luck in everything.

But who's there to give me the support and the luck when I most need it? No one except myself.

On this never ending path, I have to face it alone. There's no one to walk it down together with me.

Even if you now say you would, it still can't be done. The paths we chose are different right from the start when we chose where we were headed to.

I will continue to smile, as I walk on. I will continue to smile, as I witness your happiness. I will continue to smile, and comfort you when you are feeling down.

But who's there to comfort me when I needed it most? No one can even understand when it is that I'm feeling sad anymore.

I'm never seen.

When I weep, who's there to understand? You will simply brush it off as me cursing you inside. I'm not, I will never curse in my heart from the day I suffered injustice one year back. I will tell you straight in the face.

When I laugh, who's there to understand that I'm really meaning it? You will just merely think I do mean it, when I don't.

No one will understand me because they are not me. Why else would I be able to spot simple evidence and be able to deduce out things? Why else would I be able to be critical of things, even though it does not applies to me? Why else would I be able to offer comfort and assurance, when things does not even concern me?

I do this, because I see no need for another person to be feeling what I'm feeling now. I do this, because I see no need for another person to suffer as I am suffering now. I do this...

Because I want eternal happiness for you.

Do you know my pain?
Do you know my intentions?
Do you know my sufferings?
Do you even understand me?

Stop nodding your head and saying that you understand everything. Stop patting me and telling me that you understand what I'm going through. You don't! YOU DON'T! Why can't you just get it? Why can't you just understand? Why can't you just take some time off and listen to me? Stop saying that "As long as you speak, I will listen"! You never did wanted to hear me in the first place, so why is it that you are saying this ironic line to me now? Why is it that you can't just shut up?!

So much tears, so much emotions, so much pain. So much for living. So much for being alive.

I, ironically, don't want to die. I want to seek revenge for the injustice done to me. Although I tell others that revenge goes in a circle and can never end, I still want to venture out and tread on this path. Eternal pain can never be felt by you, because you have a good life. Treasure those you care and love, and forget this hatred-filled person of me.

Did you know that I wanted to forget you entirely?
Did you know that I always avoided looking at others directly in the eye?
Did you know that I never wanted to look at others in the eye, even you?

Have you ever wondered why?

Of course you don't.

Have you ever wondered, why my personality on and offline are different?

Of course you don't. You think I'm the same throughout.

Times have changed, so have I. But to you, I haven't.

I have changed, so please stop treating me like you used to in the past. You are only hurting me with events of the past, the memories which I treasured so dear to me.

Just...go away. Please. Don't ever let me see you again.

Go away...